“I’ll go and read a book; it’s so much more worthwhile.” That’s a 20-year-old lyric from song you’ve never heard by a group whose name you’ll never heard.

I’d the TV on last night, as my wife and I were getting ready to settle down and read, and there was Greta van Susteren interviewing Joran (YOR-in) Van Der Sloot, the member of the Dutch Royal family whom we’d all believed had murdered young Natalie Natalee Holloway a few years ago on Aruba, part of the Empire of the Netherlands. He was arrested twice, for sure, but the Aruban P.D. more resembles Mack Sennett’s Keystone Cops that in does an actual law enforcement body, so Van Der Sloot was let go twice. You see, Yoran’s dad, Paulus Van Der Sloot was a judicial official of Dutch ancestry on the island, and he owns judges and police officials. Joran walked.

I said to my wife at the time of Miss Holloways disappearance, when they could not find a murder weapon or her remains, that I believed that Joran, with the help of his Surinamese buddies the Kalpoe Brothers, sold Natalie Natalee into white slavery.

Last February, Joran confessed that he had killed Natalie Natalee Holloway and dumped her body at sea. The Keystone Cops arrested Joran again for no apparent reason and were forced to turn him loose after daddy Paulus and his billfold intervened. Which brings us to Greta’s show last night.

Joran (YOR-in) told Greta that he did not actually kill Miss Holloway; rather, he sold her into white slavery. With the help of the Kalpoe Brothers! And that daddy Paulus knew about it and paid people off. So if Joran were telling the truth – har, har – then Natalie Natalee might still be alive.

To whom did Joran say he sold Natalie Natalee Holloway? Venezuelan nutcase dictator Hugo Chavez. He says Hugo gave him $10,000 for the recent high school grad.

I hadn’t know this, but Joran was caught selling Indonesians into slavery earlier this month. And daddy Paulus was again dashing around madly slinging bills from his wallet. (This from a report from the guy to whom Joran Van Der Sloot confessed strangling Natalie Natalee with his bare hands them dumping her body in the big pond.)

So I’m dealing with this bombshell dropped in my lap last night, but we didn’t watch the whole show and I was taken back to Philadelphia in the summer of 1787. (I’m into Chapter 8 of the bio of Jemmy Madison.) I read the article – the one most recently linked in this piece – and it tells me that Joran called Greta the next day and told her that he was inventing all this. This might be because he had implicated daddy Paulus, or maybe he just wanted to extend his 15 minutes. (How long did they take to behead murderers? Fifteen minutes sounds about right.)

Listen, I’m concerned about Natalie Natalee Holloway if she actually is still alive. I’m concerned about her parents, who knew and raised a girl from birth ’til age 18.

Okay, Obama, you’re the fixit guy. You make all things new, no? Do your stuff, Obama.